The Cat Chronicles Day 42: The Importance of Proper Grooming

Hmm… Two-paw, you’ve missed a spot…

It’s very… *slurp* important that you always thoroughly wash… *slurp* behind both ears…

And what about you, Three-paw? *sniff-sniff* No, no, you do not pass the sniff test!

Kittens, never under-estimate the power of a cat’s tongue! Being properly groomed at all times is a most vital asset, especially around two-leggers…

Let me tell you what happened to your mother just the other day!

She had discovered a most wonderous new plaything.

It gleamed, as if just beckoning her paws to reach up and bat at its length… But it was all a trap. This was no plaything. This was a viscious large white beast, waiting to draw an unsuspecting feline into its maw…

…Your mother may have gotten away, may have realized the danger and ran, if she had not been distracted by the shiny new plaything, for this predator does not hunt solo. Alone, it is usually harmless. But when it has help from a two-legger… that is when things get dangerous. You never want to be in that situation.

And your mother found herself in exactly that situation.

The two-legger drew down to the white beast’s level, drawing close and blocking all routes of escape…

…And then, the white beast’s maw filled with the wet-stuff! The wet-stuff swelled and rose past your mother’s belly, soaking her spotted fur coat, and when she looked for an exit… there was the two-legger!

The two-legger’s paws held her firm, and any fur that had been spared of the wet-stuff was made wet! Can you imagine? Then the white beast began frothing at its mouth, and she became covered in the horrible stuff… her two-legger was smearing it all over her pretty gray coat!

And the entire time your mother was held so firmly she was entirely helpless to do anything but voice her displeasure, and stare in shock with her golden eyes…

At some point she gave her two-legger a pleading look, as if to say, “Why? Why me?” But by that point, the torture was almost over.

Your mother only had to endure the tiny wind-monster at that point, and then…

…Still cold and damp, she was finally released from the jaws of the white beast.

Aww, I know it is a terrifying story, Three-paw, but you have to learn about such horrors sooner or later.

Remember this: don’t ever let the terrifying tag-team of a two-legger with a white beast decide you need bathed. Nothing bathes a kitty but a cat’s tongue. It is simply nature’s way. And that is why you must take care to always be a neatly-groomed cat. You wouldn’t want to give two-leggers or white beasts any ideas…

There is… *hack* One thing to note… *cough* About grooming, however…

Watch out for those hairballs. Never pleasant. …But still better than dealing with two-leggers and their white beasts, trust me.

Ugh, kitten fur.

Well, Two-leggers, I’ll let you enjoy that one as much as I just did!

Day 41 | Side Story: Senna’s Story | Day 43